R.I.P. Paulo

Dear Paulo,

Just watched "Lost" tonight. So sad to see you go. And in such a horrible, twisted manner! I don't know why "Lost" fans hated you and Nikki so much. You two certainly made an attractive couple... I'd rather watch you cry your beautiful tears every week rather than have to watch Charlie do... anything. I have to admit, the scene where Nikki paralyzed you and frantically searched your body for the diamonds -- resulting in the ransacking of your crotch -- was probably the highlight of my week. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be Nikki! Ahem... anyway, I can't wait to see you move on to other things... but please, try to pick roles where you look more like Karl from "Love, Actually" and less like Xerxes from "300." I see you have a movie coming out in 2008 called "Dare to Love Me." Oh, Rodrigo, I dare... I dare...