Update

Okay, last night was rough. Couldn't sleep, woke up with a headache from crying. Oh yeah, so I've cried now. Talking about it makes me cry. And yet I feel compelled to talk about it. So far I've talked to Billie, Christine, Haeran and Ellen and everyone has been fantastic. Still makes me cry and that's humiliating, but oh well. Eric wrote a very nice email, and David and Kavita and Paigie sent nice texts. I'm feeding off sympathy right now. LOL. I've also discovered that I get a perverse joy out of appearing super chipper with my coworkers. Like I've never been happier. Maybe I'm fooling my body into thinking I'm happy. Only problem is that I'm babbling with them like an idiot and I don't know what I'm really saying. I just know I need to keep the smile up because if I stop smiling I will cry. So now I'm sure my coworkers think I'm a fucking moron. I was happy before Greg, right? I wonder if that's true now. Can't remember if that's true or if it was just a facade. If you're wondering if all my posts are going to be despressing from now on... yes... yes, they will. This helps me. A little. Smile =)