Update XVI

It's been one week since this whole nightmare began. I'm pretty damn sure it was the worst week of my life. I can't believe how quickly everything went from good to bad. How sad and empty my life became over so short a time. One minute I'm trying to think of a Halloween costume for Greg and the next, I'm wracked with pain over the sight of a Happy Birthday sign he put up over my bed.

I went on a date today. Just met up for yogurt with this Korean guy. He was nice and cute and so... "straight." I thought it would be difficult to go on a date, but it was actually okay. He definitely had potential, but my heart wasn't quite in it. This made me realize... I don't WANT to get over Greg yet. I know it's entirely self-destructive because this hurts so bad. But I don't want to stop loving him. I think it's been a mistake to keep pushing myself to get over him so fast. I need to allow myself a little more time to just grieve. Grieve for what was, what is and what could have been. Yeah, I'll hurt, but it's been too hard a struggle to keep myself from feeling hurt. I think I just need to let the hurt sink in and work itself out. Yeah... so that's the new plan.