Update: Quick Look to the Past Before Looking Forward
Today was Day One of cutting ties to Greg. It went well. I only felt a deep sadness for about 2 hours... which is a vast improvement, believe me. I actually had a few moments of hope and inspiration, too, which I will blog in a separate entry. I want this to be one last look to the past.
One night a couple months back, Greg asked me what I loved about him (after, of course, he told me what he loved about me). I hadn't given it much thought and I fumbled for an all-encompassing answer, settling for a vauge "your kind heart." Even at the time, I knew I had other reasons, but they seemed too small, too insignificant a response for such a large question. Now that I've had the time to think them through -- and boy, have I had time -- I want to list just a few things I did love about him, no matter how small or idiosyncratic. I've been thinking about this list ever since he left me, but today was the first day I could think about it and not hurt. Instead, I can sit back and kinda smile.
What I loved about Greg was...
1. His big, expressive eyes. Especially when he gave me his puppy dog eyes. I'd roll my eyes when he'd do it, but in actuality, they got me every time. When I saw sadness in his eyes, it'd break my heart. But when he was happy and excited, his eyes would light up and it made me smile.
2. When we rough-housed and I was able to pin him down, he'd sort of whimper "please" so that I'd let him up. That also rated high on my smile meter.
3. The way he'd look when he was sleepy or asleep. He looked adorable with his eyes half open. And sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and look at him sleeping peacefully. I often thought of how lucky I was to be there.
4. The way he got along with all my friends. Could not have been more important to me.
5. The way he'd make little noises under his breath when he was thinking. Towards the end, I picked up that habit and I totally denied it when he called me on it. But it stuck.
6. The way he always got his fingers messy while he ate.
7. That he knew the difference between when I was being stubborn just to be stubborn and when I really meant it. For instance, I insisted I didn't need a Voodoo Baby at ComicCon... but he got me one anyway. Yeah... I did want it. I just didn't want him to go through the trouble.
8. The way we could just simply pass the time playing cards or even hearts online. I could have done that until we were old and gray.
9. That we had lots of adventures (Vegas, San Diego, Palm Desert) but also really nice quiet moments (spending an afternoon in bed watching Wonder Woman).
10. The way he would ask himself a question and then answer it. "Do I like cheesecake? (Thoughtful beat) Yeah, I do."
11. His lips.
12. His kind heart. I guess I really did nail it the first time.
One night a couple months back, Greg asked me what I loved about him (after, of course, he told me what he loved about me). I hadn't given it much thought and I fumbled for an all-encompassing answer, settling for a vauge "your kind heart." Even at the time, I knew I had other reasons, but they seemed too small, too insignificant a response for such a large question. Now that I've had the time to think them through -- and boy, have I had time -- I want to list just a few things I did love about him, no matter how small or idiosyncratic. I've been thinking about this list ever since he left me, but today was the first day I could think about it and not hurt. Instead, I can sit back and kinda smile.
What I loved about Greg was...
1. His big, expressive eyes. Especially when he gave me his puppy dog eyes. I'd roll my eyes when he'd do it, but in actuality, they got me every time. When I saw sadness in his eyes, it'd break my heart. But when he was happy and excited, his eyes would light up and it made me smile.
2. When we rough-housed and I was able to pin him down, he'd sort of whimper "please" so that I'd let him up. That also rated high on my smile meter.
3. The way he'd look when he was sleepy or asleep. He looked adorable with his eyes half open. And sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and look at him sleeping peacefully. I often thought of how lucky I was to be there.
4. The way he got along with all my friends. Could not have been more important to me.
5. The way he'd make little noises under his breath when he was thinking. Towards the end, I picked up that habit and I totally denied it when he called me on it. But it stuck.
6. The way he always got his fingers messy while he ate.
7. That he knew the difference between when I was being stubborn just to be stubborn and when I really meant it. For instance, I insisted I didn't need a Voodoo Baby at ComicCon... but he got me one anyway. Yeah... I did want it. I just didn't want him to go through the trouble.
8. The way we could just simply pass the time playing cards or even hearts online. I could have done that until we were old and gray.
9. That we had lots of adventures (Vegas, San Diego, Palm Desert) but also really nice quiet moments (spending an afternoon in bed watching Wonder Woman).
10. The way he would ask himself a question and then answer it. "Do I like cheesecake? (Thoughtful beat) Yeah, I do."
11. His lips.
12. His kind heart. I guess I really did nail it the first time.
posted by Ryan at
10:38 PM
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