Vega$: A Numbers Game

121 degree heat + me = :(

4 hour drive X 2 = trip to vegas. btw, it was still 110 degrees at midnight.

$20 = hot guy lapdance = happy billie. btw, he had really soft skin.

$27 - $5 coupon = really, really good buffet at rio world carnival. gelato, bananas fosters... almost as fantasy-inducing as the hot stripper.

9.5 = total number of people who went (billie, christine, ellen, eric, ernesto, haeran, james, paigie and ryan. ernesto's friend is .5 since we really didn't see him much.)

2 = number of hours it took haeran to get plastered at the paigow table.

30 = the number of minutes billie, christine and i waited outside a restroom waiting for ernesto... who wasn't even in there!

25 = dollar amount i lost (i still love you, wheel of fortune, my evil, seductive mistress, you.)

priceless = the look on billie's face when she saw the "gift" i bought her

the real cancun

Top Ten Most Memorable Moments from the Cancun Trip

10. The Boba in Mexico
we stayed at the "family" resort, but at the sister resort, there is mucho nudity. large women with gi-normous breasts sunbathed and swam topless... if i wasn't gay before, i definitely am now.

9. American Idle
sitting around just talking with haeran, paigie and ellen before heading out to coco bongo was fun. don't remember what was said, but it was relaxing and easy and what vacations should be.

8. Sin City
went to a club called the city. in theory, it's a great club. cool decor, great sound. on the downside, the "shows" are lame and the music hit and miss. but we had a lot of fun hanging out with people from the resort. some people had more fun than others.

7. Swingers and Flippers
went to xel-ha. got sea sick while snorkeling. had the most fun just rocking back and forth in a hammock and watching dolpins.

6. Time to Round Up Two of Every Animal...
so it was scorchingly hot and humid every day except one day when it poured. i mean, the flooding in the streets was biblical. our taxi passed by many stalled vehicles. luckily we made it. yay.

5. Someone Call Rachel Ray!
there's a great place called taco factory. possibly the best tacos ever. we ate there three times. it's great after clubbing.

4. I Don't Think His Tongue Belongs There...
the sister resort holds many contests that are quite... shocking. a male butt contest lead to full on male nudity. a kissing contest lead to... uh... stuff. the only contest we entered at that particular resort was casino night. ellen, haeran and i were among the winners. we bet on a horse called "i am a gay."

3. The Amazing Race
we had the worst luck with planes. the worst being that we missed a connection in mexico city and were forced to stay the night. we got separated, we were running back and forth between airline counters... it was a nightmare. other disasters included rude airline workers, sucky food, being delayed an hour, being trapped at the gate for another hour, etc...

2. Loco Locals
scariest adventure was taking a ghetto bus into downtown. three drunk guys got on, picked a fight with fourth guy and proceeded to beat him up on the bus. it was traumatizing.

1. Music... Makes the People... Come Together... Yeah.
best club i've ever been to is coco bongo. we walked in and there was a madonna impersonator performing to a medley of madonna hits. i felt at home immediately. there are vegas-type shows like every 15 minutes, so in addition to madonna, there was a moulin rouge performance, beyonce, michael jackson... choreographed stunt fights with high wires from the matrix and spiderman all set to techno music... also, the dj has ADD, so no song ever lasts too long... ellen, paigie and haeran danced on the elevated stage in front of everyone... it was FUN.